well, I'm not cooking today, so
here's some deep thoughts..
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them"
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man"
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis"
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy."
The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
If a child asks why it's raining, it's a good idea to tell him that God is crying. If he asks why God is crying, say, "It's probably because of something you did."
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Jack Handey rocks.
The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine - Abraham Lincoln