Think before you speak.... Clean enough... I think... - BBQ Central

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Old 01-18-2007, 02:14 PM   #1
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Think before you speak.... Clean enough... I think...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the
Last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are

The Testimonials of a few people who did.................


FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold
a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,

"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course
I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord,
that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had
an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't
get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:05 PM   #2
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That isn't the only flub Michigan newscasters have executed
Funny stuff
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:20 PM   #3
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LOL those are great!
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Old 01-19-2007, 06:26 AM   #4
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Thanks Gary, very funny.
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Old 01-19-2007, 06:56 AM   #5
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There was a local newscast, and the sports guy was doing a story on a high school baseball pitcher who could throw around 90 mph.
He wrapped up the story by turning to the female news anchor and
saying..."they say he's so fast he can throw a baseball through a car wash without it getting wet."
And the anchor smiled and said "he's got the driest balls in town."
Immediately she realized what she'd said and got a deer in the headlights look right at the camera, then stammered and giggled and looked around for help...there was none...the sports guy ran off the set, the male anchor was shaking uncontrollably...you could hear the camera guys cracking up...
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