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Old 03-10-2006, 01:55 PM   #1
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Mr Helpful here to answer you questions.

I'm right here if you need me..........
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Old 03-10-2006, 03:36 PM   #2
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I was wondering at what temp do you remove foil, and when do you fill up the propane tank?
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Old 03-10-2006, 04:15 PM   #3
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Why is the sky blue?
How come .................oh never mind.
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Old 03-10-2006, 05:13 PM   #4
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1) Ambient
2) When it is empty or near so.
3) It is not. It is grey most often here.
4) Because someone built a road in the chicken's path.
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Old 03-10-2006, 06:03 PM   #5
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1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?

3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

4. Is there another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"

6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?

11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

19. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
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Old 03-10-2006, 06:10 PM   #6
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If you wear contact lens and you died with them in your eyes, do they take them out?

If you can see your breath outide on a cold day, could you see your fart?

If you are old and are in a bathtub how would you know if you have been in there too long?

Have you ever wondered why in the 1500's nude photos/painting were art, while today it's pornography?

Do suicide hotlines have hold?

If you had only one hand, would second hand smoking effect you?

What sound does a bunny make?

Do bubbles freeze in winter?

Do they put underwear on corpses?

Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?
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Old 03-10-2006, 06:23 PM   #7
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Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities they are put in an mental hospital, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?

If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?

Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?

Why do bullies always ask "what’s your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it?

Do stairs go up or down?

When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?

If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change
their name to Knockers?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?

Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always
stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go “back and forth
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Old 03-10-2006, 06:57 PM   #8
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Hey Mr. useful, I got this rash, It's on my.... I was hoping to stop It before It spread to my ....
Because It might infect my..... :ack:
Can you help?
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Old 03-10-2006, 07:40 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Puff
Hey Mr. useful, I got this rash, It's on my.... I was hoping to stop It before It spread to my ....
Because It might infect my..... :ack:
Can you help?
Oh Puff, just scratch it!
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Old 03-10-2006, 07:41 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Prochilo
Quote:
Originally Posted by Puff
Hey Mr. useful, I got this rash, It's on my.... I was hoping to stop It before It spread to my ....
Because It might infect my..... :ack:
Can you help?
Oh Puff, just scratch it!
I did thats why It spread #-o
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Old 03-10-2006, 09:00 PM   #11
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Is it bad when farts have gravy?
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Old 03-10-2006, 09:20 PM   #12
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Dear Mr. Helpful, Could you help me get some Cuban Cigars? My son Brian sent me one from Germany before he left for Iraq two weeks ago and the customs guys opened it up, crushed it and put it back in it's container. When I got the envelope I opened the tube and poured out a hand full of crushed Cubano. #-o
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Old 03-10-2006, 11:42 PM   #13
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So Crazy

You got a question?

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Old 03-11-2006, 12:37 AM   #14
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Old 03-11-2006, 12:43 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zilla
Dear Mr. Helpful, Could you help me get some Cuban Cigars?
zilla, know what you mean about the Cubanos. We go to Whitehorse, Yukon Territory ever summer fishing. Smoking the Cubans and fishing is a treat that I get once a year. But you can't bring 'em back.

Griff
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Old 03-11-2006, 07:54 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zilla
Dear Mr. Helpful, Could you help me get some Cuban Cigars? My son Brian sent me one from Germany before he left for Iraq two weeks ago and the customs guys opened it up, crushed it and put it back in it's container. When I got the envelope I opened the tube and poured out a hand full of crushed Cubano. #-o
Well, I'll just have to bring you some down to Q-fest in November! It is good to know that we are doin our part to keep evil at bay by tearin up those contraband cigars though!

Crazy WM? Yes, if you fart in the cold, it does make steam that you can see. Here , watch...........
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Old 03-11-2006, 08:53 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Puff
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Prochilo
Quote:
Originally Posted by Puff
Hey Mr. useful, I got this rash, It's on my.... I was hoping to stop It before It spread to my ....
Because It might infect my..... :ack:
Can you help?
Oh Puff, just scratch it!
I did thats why It spread #-o
To your lips? #-o
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Old 03-11-2006, 11:47 AM   #18
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[quote=Larry Wolfe]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Puff
Quote:
Originally Posted by "Nick Prochilo":3gr1fpp2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Puff
Hey Mr. useful, I got this rash, It's on my.... I was hoping to stop It before It spread to my ....
Because It might infect my..... :ack:
Can you help?
Oh Puff, just scratch it!
I did thats why It spread #-o
To your lips? #-o[/quote:3gr1fpp2]

Maybe he scratched it with his teeth!
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Old 03-11-2006, 03:48 PM   #19
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What time is it?

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Old 03-11-2006, 03:54 PM   #20
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WHERES SUSAN??????

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