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Old 02-22-2005, 09:13 PM   #1
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joke thread.

Rephrased for our new more moderate tone:

So it was Charlie the mailman's last day on the route before retiring. He'd been servicving the same customers for over 35 years.

Everybody wished him well as he went off to retirement and some gave him gifts. One house gave him a bottle of scotch. Another gave him home baked cookies. Then he came to his final drop off.

The lady of the house greeted him in a flimsy neglige. She escorted him upstairs for an adult intrelude. Then she took him downstairs for breakfast and gave him $1.


Charlie looked at the woman amazed and perplexed. "Mam" he exclaimed. "This is all too wonderful to believe. First upstairs, then this breakfast, but may I ask what the $1 is for?"

"Oh. That." She said. "When I mentioned to my husband today was your last day I asked him what we should give you. He said, " @#$%^ him. Give him a buck."

Breakfast was my idea."
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Old 02-22-2005, 10:36 PM   #2
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What's brown and sticky?













A stick.
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Old 02-23-2005, 06:28 AM   #3
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Now that joke was dumb enough to be funny.
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Old 02-23-2005, 07:41 AM   #4
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Two men walked into a bar, what did the third guy do?



















He ducked!
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Old 02-23-2005, 11:03 AM   #5
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A blond was in therapy… she told the therapist, “I’m tired of being thought of as an airhead just because I’m blond. Nobody takes me seriously.
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Old 02-23-2005, 11:44 AM   #6
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George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing.
"Watch and learn," answers Hillary.
They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip. When they get to the station, they see the Clinton's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all.
"Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Hillary.
"Live and learn," answers Laura Bush.
When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clinton's cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton's' toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."
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Old 02-23-2005, 12:14 PM   #7
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ROFL!! Now that's good, Capt'n!!
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Old 02-23-2005, 02:10 PM   #8
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So what did he do with the ticket??
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Old 02-23-2005, 02:35 PM   #9
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So what did he do with the ticket??
ROFL!!!
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Old 03-02-2005, 10:02 AM   #10
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A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girl friend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.
AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.

He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
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Old 03-02-2005, 11:01 AM   #11
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Two salesmen in a hardware store, a young salesman and an old salesman. The young guys been there about two weeks and hasn't sold a thing, while the old guy, he always sells stuff.

The young salesman says, "I've been here almost two weeks and haven't sold a damn thing, you always sell stuff, how do you do it?"

The old guys says, well when people come into a hardware store they usually have a pretty good idea what they need, you have to sell'em that and suggest something that goes along with it, here you watch how I do it.

Customer walks in and says, I'll have a box of grass seed. The old guy puts it down and says, How 'bout a lawnmower to go with that? Customer says no, I don't even know if that seeds gonna grow. Old guy persists and says, look that's the best grass seed we sell, I guarantee you it's gonna grow and beside that the lawnmowers are on sale this week and they'll never be any cheaper, buy a mower and if the seed don't grow, bring the mower back and I'll give you your money back. The customer thinks and says, yeah alright, I'll take a lawnmower.

The young salesman says that is fantastic I have to try that. Soon a young lady walks into the store and up to the counter and asks for a box of Tampons, the young salesman proudly puts them on the counter and says, How about a lawn mower to go with those? The young lady says, What do I need a lawnmower for? He says, Well, you can't F**K, you might as well cut the grass.
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