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Old 12-14-2006, 07:07 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Barrie, Ontario
Posts: 3,379
Holiday Eating tips

Holiday Eating Tips
>> > >
>> > > 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on
>>a holiday buffet
>> > > table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In
>>fact, if you see
>> > > carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where
>>they're serving rum
>> > > balls.
>> > >
>> > > 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
>>Like fine
>>single-malt
>> > > scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
>>single-malt
>>scotch.
>> > >
>> > > You can't find it any other time of year but now.
>>So drink up! Who
>>cares
>> > > that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not
>>as if you're
>>going to
>> > > turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a
>>treat. Enjoy it.
>>Have
>> > > one for me. Have two. It's Christmas!
>> > >
>> > > 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's
>>the whole point of
>> > > gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.
>>Make a volcano out
>>of
>> > > your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the
>>volcano. Repeat.
>> > >
>> > > 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're
>>made with skim
>>milk or
>> > > whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's
>>like buying a
>>sports
>> > > car with an automatic transmission.
>> > >
>> > > 5. Do NOT have a snack before going to a party in
>>an effort to
>>control
>> > > your eating. The whole point of going to a
>>Christmas party is to
>>eat
>> > > other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>> > >
>> > > 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise
>>between now and New
>> > > Year's. You can do that in January when you have
>>nothing else to
>>do.
>> > >
>> > > This is the time for long naps, which you'll need
>>after circling
>>the
>> > > buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of
>>food and that vat
>>of
>> > > eggnog.
>> > >
>> > > 7. If you come across something really good at a
>>buffet table, like
>> > > frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of
>>Santa, position
>> > > yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many
>>as you can before
>> > > becoming the center of attention. They're like a
>>beautiful pair of
>> > > shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never
>>going to see them
>>again.
>> > >
>> > > 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have
>>a slice of each.
>>Or,
>> > > if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
>>one pumpkin.
>>Always
>> > > have three. When else do you get to have more than
>>one dessert?
>>Labor
>> > > Day?
>> > >
>> > > 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's
>>loaded with the
>> > > mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at
>>all cost. I mean,
>>have
>> > > some standards.
>> > >
>> > > 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when
>>you leave the
>>party
>> > > or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
>>attention. Reread
>> > > tips; start over, but hurry, January is just
>>around the corner.
>> > >
>> > > Remember this motto to live by:
>> > >
>> > > "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with
>>the intention of
>> > > arriving safely in an attractive and well
>>preserved body, but
>>rather to
>> > > skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, bbq & beer,
>>in the other, body
>> > > thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
>>"WOO HOO what a
>> > > ride!"
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