Heard any good jokes lately? - BBQ Central

Go Back   BBQ Central > Corporate Administration > General (Non-BBQ) Discussion
Click Here to Login
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 01-26-2007, 02:26 PM   #1
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Myrtle Beach
Posts: 14,162
Heard any good jokes lately?

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the
bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover,"into the closet!" and she pushed
him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked
him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man
replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"
__________________

__________________
The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine - Abraham Lincoln
Captain Morgan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2007, 02:46 PM   #2
Pope O'Que
 
Smokey_Joe's Avatar


 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: North Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,378
__________________

__________________
JFOA

The weather is here.... wish you were beautiful

Imagine my disappointment if i were here to make you happy
Smokey_Joe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2007, 02:51 PM   #3
Master of All
 
ScottyDaQ's Avatar


 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In ur house, eatin ur foodz.
Posts: 7,490
Don't laugh!" said the patient, Scotty Da Q.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Scotty Da Q said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now...what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Scotty Da Q replied.
__________________
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Weber Smokey Mountain Cooker ?
Weber 22.5 One Touch Gold ?
Weber Smokey Joe Gold ?

Weber Grill Decency Agent # KTL9352
ScottyDaQ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2007, 02:59 PM   #4
Pope O'Que
 
Smokey_Joe's Avatar


 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: North Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,378
I don't care who ya are....now that there's damn funny!
__________________
JFOA

The weather is here.... wish you were beautiful

Imagine my disappointment if i were here to make you happy
Smokey_Joe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2007, 03:23 PM   #5
Pope O'Que
 
Smokey_Joe's Avatar


 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: North Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,378
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Are you blind or just stupid? Do you really think they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."
__________________
JFOA

The weather is here.... wish you were beautiful

Imagine my disappointment if i were here to make you happy
Smokey_Joe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2007, 04:06 PM   #6
Official BBQ Central Mark
 
Puff's Avatar


 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Warren, Mi.
Posts: 12,331
__________________
Pitboss/ Sous Chef/ Manager at Holiday Market Smokehouse
Royal Oak Mi.
Puff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2007, 06:00 PM   #7
BBQ Centralite
 
Diva Q's Avatar


 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Barrie, Ontario
Posts: 3,379
NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,"Looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and
led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I
hope not, it's only 2130 now."



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: FISHY STORY



An Ontario man was stopped by a game warden in Bayfield recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well ?"

"Well, what?" said the man.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

We in Ontario may not be as smart as some, but we ain't as dumb as most.
__________________
________________________________________

www.DivaQ.ca

Life is too short for bad BBQ

Generously sponsored by:

Traeger Canada
Hovey's Gourmet Meats
Big Rock Brewery
Basques Hardwood Lump Charcoal
Alcan
Diva Q is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2007, 02:33 AM   #8
Official BBQ Central Mark
 
Bruce B's Avatar


 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Utica, MI
Posts: 6,758
A young soldier arrived in Iraq and his Sergeant was showing him around the camp. After the tour when asked if he had any questions the young soldier asked, "Sarge, what do you guys do out here for relieving the stress of combat?" The Sergeant, knowing he was asking about sex, told the soldier, "We've taken possession of one of the native camel's and he's tied up outside the back of the mess tent.

Several nights later most of the camp is awakened by a terrible noise coming from the rear of the mess tent and the Sergeant runs back and finds the young soldier just putting it to this poor camel and he yells, "Soldier, what the Hell do you think you're doing?"

The soldier, all embarrassed, replies, "Well Sarge, when I asked about, well, you know, you told me about the camel...so" The Sergeant says I know I did son, but why can't you be like the rest of the men and just ride him into town."
__________________
Bruce
Treasurer, Great Lakes BBQAssociation
www.glbbqa.com
Rubbed, Smoked, and Sauced Competition BBQ Team-
22 1/2" WSM, 2 18 1/2" WSM's, 22 1/2" Weber Kettle
Bruce B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2007, 06:06 AM   #9
BBQ Central Pro


 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Lindenhurst, NY
Posts: 994
When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates
by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and
yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped
conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and
shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This
is why I allowed our government to provide for the common
defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and
snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the
Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason,
James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their
anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin
Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians
waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"
__________________
Aim for Sucess, not perfection
Good Country, This America
Bobberqer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2007, 01:53 PM   #10
BBQ Central Pro


 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Lindenhurst, NY
Posts: 994
Little Johhny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about
things.

"Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.

"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming
up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Little Johnny thought for a second and asked.........

"So why do you have so much hair?"
__________________

__________________
Aim for Sucess, not perfection
Good Country, This America
Bobberqer is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off








Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:45 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.