Smokey_Joe
Head Chef
I guess I must be insensitive...I stopped reading it once I read...seat up or down.... [smilie=a_huh.gif]
Diva Q said:Subject: FISHY STORY
An Ontario man was stopped by a game warden in Bayfield recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well ?"
"Well, what?" said the man.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"
We in Ontario may not be as smart as some, but we ain't as dumb as most.
wboggs said:A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Arkansas recently with
two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its
fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to
catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I got none of them there licenses.
You must understand, these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let
'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right
back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."
The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's
the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."
"O. K.", said the warden. "I've got to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"
"Well, what?", says the redneck.
The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH", replied the warden!
"What fish?", replied the redneck.
Moral: Rednecks may not be as smart as some city slickers, but
they ain't as dumb as some government employees
wboggs said:No they're not one is in Bayfield and one takes place in Arkansas; totally different.
Diva Q said:One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!