Heard any good jokes lately?

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Old Harold is walking up and down the halls of the old folk home yelling at the top of his lungs.

" My penis is dead......my penis is dead!!"

The next day he was walking up and down all the halls with his penis hanging out of his pants,

The resident nurse says to him ..." Harold, I thought your penis was dead?"

He said "it is...............today's the showing"!!
 
Hmmm...maybe you had a wrong gender assignment and shoulda been called Maxine. Ladies normally dont tell them right or catch one which is told right. We might need to let the Prez know about this. It can be fixed free under Obummercare. Let us know what you decide. Thanks. I have a cousin named Maxine..but she has now changed her name to Doris. She is still a girl.
 
Why Grandpa's are better ... Griff;-)

Why Grandpa's are better

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

"Not really, PaPa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse's ass, socialist left wing Obama lover, blind bastard, dip shit, Muslim camel humper, peckerhead or son of a bitch anywhere we went.

We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
 
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