Shawn White
Sous Chef
----- Darwin Award Winners!!! 2005
>
>
> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin
>Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then,
>are the glorious winners.
>
>
> Darwin Award Winner: When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire
>at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California,
>would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
>wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
>
>
> And now, the honorable mentions:
>
>
> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
>cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim
>to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out
>one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
> The chef's claim was approved.
>
>
> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
>car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
>woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>
>
> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
>driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
>transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
>his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
>everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
>the
>
> mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
>excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
>discovered for 3 days.
>
>
> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
>serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
>received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
>see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>
>
> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
>counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
>the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
>the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
>fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
>
> got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and
>gives you money, is a crime committed?)
>
>
> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
>decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store
>window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
>heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
>hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
>liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>
>
> 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a
>man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
>the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
>Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
>the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
>the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
>"Yes,
>
> officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>
>
> 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
>into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,
>and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
>couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
>ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
>breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
>
>
> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>
>
> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
>parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
>Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
>motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
>admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
>the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
>declined to press
>
> charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
>
>
> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin
>Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then,
>are the glorious winners.
>
>
> Darwin Award Winner: When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire
>at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California,
>would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
>wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
>
>
> And now, the honorable mentions:
>
>
> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
>cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim
>to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out
>one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
> The chef's claim was approved.
>
>
> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
>car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
>woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>
>
> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
>driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
>transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
>his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
>everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
>the
>
> mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
>excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
>discovered for 3 days.
>
>
> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
>serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
>received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
>see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>
>
> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
>counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
>the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
>the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
>fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
>
> got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and
>gives you money, is a crime committed?)
>
>
> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
>decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store
>window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
>heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
>hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
>liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>
>
> 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a
>man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
>the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
>Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
>the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
>the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
>"Yes,
>
> officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>
>
> 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
>into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,
>and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
>couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
>ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
>breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
>
>
> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>
>
> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
>parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
>Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
>motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
>admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
>the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
>declined to press
>
> charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.