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Old 09-28-2006, 10:34 AM   #1
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Church Bulletins

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced
in church services.
----------------------------------------
• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
• Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.
• Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will go to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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Old 09-28-2006, 10:49 AM   #2
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Location: Port st. Lucie, Florida
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That sounds like my kind of church!
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